u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
