I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
