yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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