not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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