Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
