Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
