What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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