look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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