I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
