I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
