worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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