last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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