I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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