I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
