A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
