Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
