Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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