why didn't you poke me back
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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