Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
