So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
