Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
