i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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