idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
