I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
