I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
