i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
