Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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