well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
