Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
