Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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