I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
