How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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