she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
