somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
