Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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