and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
