Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hippo gnu deer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
