You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
