Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
