My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
