i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
