This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
