I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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