So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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