So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
