im six kinds of drunk right now
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
