I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
