I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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