What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
