the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
