So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
