He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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