Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
