I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
