6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
