Sry I called you an 8
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
