i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
