Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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