are you still at the devil's house?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
