in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
