I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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