I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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